G’day from London! It’s Julie Knox here, your favourite Aussie travelling nurse who’s somehow survived swapping Bondi Beach for Big Ben. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve grown fond of the UK and its quirks, but there are some things I’ll never quite wrap my head around. So, grab a cuppa (because, let’s face it, if you’re British, you already have one), and let’s chat about the top five things I still find odd about this charming, rain-soaked country. Buckle up—this is going to be a long one.
1. The Accents That Make You Feel Like a Foreign Speaker
When I first landed in London, I thought I spoke English. Turns out, I spoke Australian. Here, every region has its own version of the language, and sometimes I’m convinced they’re having me on. A Geordie patient once asked me for something, and I swear it sounded like, “Can I have a wee flannel for me hacky mucky face?” I nodded, smiled, and prayed to the nursing gods for context clues.
Even London isn’t safe. Cockney rhyming slang might as well be another language entirely. “Would you Adam and Eve it?” someone asked me. “Who are Adam and Eve?” I replied, genuinely puzzled. The confusion was mutual.
What’s most baffling is how much pride Brits take in their accents. People can pinpoint someone’s birthplace down to the nearest roundabout based on how they say “bath” or “last.” Me? I’ll stick to my flat vowels and cheerful “G’day.” At least that’s universal. But there’s no denying the charm in their linguistic variety. It keeps me guessing, and honestly, it’s like travelling through a new country every time I meet someone from a different region.
Then there are the Welsh and Scots. Oh, bless their lyrical accents! I once tried deciphering a Glaswegian chat, and by the end, I was convinced they were describing a magical fairytale. Nope. Just football tactics.
2. The Politeness and the Never-Ending “Please” and “Thank You”
Australians are polite, sure, but Brits take it to another level. The sheer number of “pleases” and “thank yous” they cram into a single interaction is staggering. Just ordering a coffee sounds like a script:
“Could I possibly have a cappuccino, please? Thanks. Oh, and a croissant, too. Thanks. Is it OK if I sit over there? Thanks so much.”
This relentless politeness is so ingrained that even their passive aggression sounds courteous. If a Brit ever says, “With all due respect,” brace yourself—you’re about to be annihilated with civility.
And let’s not forget the apologising. Brits will apologise for everything. Step on their foot? They’ll say sorry. Tell them they’ve given you the wrong change? They’ll apologise as if they’ve personally ruined your day. It’s endearing, really, but exhausting for someone like me, who prefers a more straightforward approach. “Just get on with it,” I want to shout. But, of course, I’d never dare. That would be rude.
In hospitals, the politeness is almost comical. Patients apologise for bothering you while actively bleeding. They’ll thank you profusely for checking their temperature, as though you’ve just performed life-saving surgery. One patient even apologised for taking too long to faint! It’s impossible to get mad when they’re this charmingly self-effacing.
3. The Sports Rivalries That Go a Bit Too Far
Now, I love a good game of footy as much as the next Aussie, but the sports rivalries here are something else. It’s not just about winning; it’s personal. If you accidentally tell someone you’re rooting for the wrong team, you might as well pack up and leave.
During my first week, I mentioned to a patient that I didn’t see what all the fuss was about with football (that’s soccer for my Aussie mates). Big mistake. I got a lecture on the sanctity of the sport, followed by an intense debate about which club—Liverpool or Manchester United—was “better.” Spoiler alert: no one wins that argument.
And it’s not just football. Cricket, rugby, tennis—the rivalries extend to every sport. Even the annual boat race between Oxford and Cambridge has spectators shouting like their lives depend on it. Back home, we’re happy if the players don’t biff each other. Here, it’s like a religion.
There’s also the ongoing Six Nations rugby drama. I attended a match, and the passion in the stands was unlike anything I’d seen. Grown adults painted their faces, sang national anthems with trembling voices, and hurled (polite) insults at the opposing fans. It’s fascinating, and slightly terrifying.
4. The Obsession With Tea, Especially the Afternoon Ritual
If you’ve ever wondered if the British tea obsession is a stereotype, let me assure you it’s not. These people treat tea like a sacred ritual. The first time someone invited me for “afternoon tea,” I thought we’d just have a quick cuppa and a chat. Nope. Afternoon tea is an event.
There’s an entire hierarchy of biscuits (sorry, scones), clotted cream, and tiny sandwiches involved. And don’t even think about skipping the cream-jam debate. Do you go cream first, then jam, or the other way around? Apparently, this is a matter of life and death, depending on whether you’re in Devon or Cornwall.
At work, tea is the universal cure-all. Feeling sick? Have a tea. Family drama? Tea will sort it. Lost a limb? Alright, maybe tea won’t fix that, but it’ll make you feel better about it. And heaven forbid you offer a Brit a coffee instead. That’s practically treason.
What’s even funnier is the panic that ensues when the tea supply runs low. I once witnessed a nurse commandeer supplies from another ward because her team had run out of tea bags. Priorities, right?
5. The Class Distinctions That British Patients Hilariously Observe
Australia has its fair share of social divides, but Brits take class distinctions to a whole new level. In my line of work, I’ve had patients declare themselves “working class” or “middle class” within minutes of meeting me. Some even announce it with pride, as if it’s a badge of honour.
I’ll never forget one elderly patient who spent our entire appointment telling me about her “humble” background. As she spoke, I couldn’t help but notice the antique furniture and the family portraits that screamed old money. But who am I to judge?
The NHS itself can be a stage for these quirks. Patients will comment on the accents of the nurses, the food on the menu, or even the colour of the curtains, all with an air of “class consciousness.” It’s like a comedy show with a dash of sociology.
One time, a patient refused to let a junior doctor treat him because he “looked too posh to know real pain.” I nearly choked trying not to laugh. The drama is endless, and as an outsider, it’s endlessly entertaining.
A Fond Farewell
So, there you have it—five oddities that still leave me scratching my head in this beautiful, baffling country. Despite my grumbles, I’ve come to adore the quirks of British life. Whether it’s their love of tea or their polite snark, there’s a charm to it all that keeps me coming back for more.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a cuppa to make. Milk in first, obviously. Or is it second? Oh, who knows! The debate continues, and I’ll let the Brits fight that one out among themselves.